Let the funny jokes continue

[marie meijer]

TG I'm leaving for a week and can escape the comedians on this site! TG my husband never reads VP.com or the fight would begin.

[EDC1977]

I hadn't realized you knew my husband, as majority of descriptions apply. TG for golf and fishing! Well-known/documented fact: married men live longer! Just condoning Faygo's comment. It's called a ring of deception. That came from my best man!

[Eduardo]

Marie, are you sure it just doesn't seem longer?

 Live longer than what?
 So if you want a slow death... 
 




 
 

[EDC1977]

This is like some classic Faygo. A car backs out of a stall only to collide with another car. Out of the other car comes this real short guy with a steamed look on his face. "I want you to know, I'm not happy!" The other guy says, "which one are you then?"

[oej719]

545 vs 300,000,000

EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.

Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.


545 PEOPLE
By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress.   In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing.   I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault.    They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.   No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits..   The president can only propose a budget.    He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.   Who is the speaker of the House?    Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.   I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ..

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.   Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!







This might be funny if it weren't so darned true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:
    
             Tax his land,
             Tax his bed,
             Tax the table
             At which he's fed.
    
             Tax his tractor,
             Tax his mule,
             Teach him taxes
             Are the rule.
    
             Tax his work,
             Tax his pay,
             He works for peanuts
             Anyway!
             Tax his cow,
             Tax his goat,
             Tax his pants,
             Tax his coat.
             Tax his ties,
             Tax his shirt,
             Tax his work,
             Tax his dirt.
    
             Tax his tobacco,
             Tax his drink,
             Tax him if he
             Tries to think.
    
             Tax his cigars,
             Tax his beers,
             If he cries
             Tax his tears.
    
             Tax his car,
             Tax his gas,
             Find other ways
             To tax his ass.
    
             Tax all he has
             Then let him know
             That you won't be done
             Till he has no dough.
    
             When he screams and hollers;
             Then tax him some more,
             Tax him till
             He's good and sore.
             Then tax his coffin,
             Tax his grave,
             Tax the sod in
             Which he's laid.
    
             Put these words
             Upon his tomb,
             Taxes drove me
             to my doom...'
    
             When he's gone,
             Do not relax,
             Its time to apply
             The inheritance tax.    
             Accounts Receivable Tax
             Building Permit Tax
             CDL license Tax
             Cigarette Tax
             Corporate Income Tax
             Dog License Tax
             Excise Taxes
             Federal Income Tax
             Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
             Fishing License Tax
             Food License Tax
             Fuel Permit Tax
             Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
             Gross Receipts Tax
             Hunting License Tax
             Inheritance Tax
             Inventory Tax
             IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
             Liquor Tax
             Luxury Taxes
             Marriage License Tax
             Medicare Tax
             Personal Property Tax
             Property Tax
             Real Estate Tax
             Service Charge T ax
             Social Security Tax
             Road Usage Tax
             Sales Tax
             Recreational Vehicle Tax
             School Tax
             State Income Tax
             State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
             Telephone Federal Excise Tax
             Telephone Federal Universal Ser vice FeeTax
             Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
             Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge=2 0Tax
             Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
             Telephone State and Local Tax
             Telephone Usage Charge Tax
             Utility Taxes
             Vehicle License Registration Tax
             Vehicle Sales Tax
             Watercraft Registration Tax
             Well Permit Tax
             Workers Compensation Tax
    
             STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?
    

[Ohio Bob]

SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT...



"When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane" "What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?" "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory" "OK, so what's the speed of dark?" “He who laughs last, thinks the slowest!” “It’s a shame that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name!”

[EDC1977]

An old Chinese woman approached her stockbroker and asked "why is my stock doing so poorly?" His answer, "fluctuations."  "hey,fluc you americans too!"

[vidopoker]

1) What do you call a cross-dressing nun? a transsister
 
2) Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? he was charged with battery
 

3) A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I gave you $1,500 minus 3%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

[Marksman]

Hey   that was a good joke  OEJ

[BillyJoe]

The business owner was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.  He called her into his office and said, "I need some help.. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."