A short, satisfying story

[Minn. Fatz]

(The story you are about to read is fiction. The names of the cars have been retained to stereotype the guilty.)He was driving in a hurry. He wanted to be at least twenty minutes early. It was a big interview, and he needed the extra money to pay for the new Audi. That and the three girlfriends, not to mention the wife.The cars bunched up again in the right lane. He couldn’t miss the exit, but he didn’t want to slow down. A couple of cars ahead, some wussy in a Mercury tapped the brakes and left a space, barely wide enough. He gunned it, got the good feeling in his taint from the quick response, swerved in front of the Merc and hit the brakes. The wussy leaned on the horn so he flipped the bird over his shoulder, barreling down the ramp and through the turn a half-second after the red light.He had plenty of time to touch up his moussed hair, brush off his tailored clothes and shoot his flashy cufflinks before buttering up the guy’s secretary and striking a pose in the waiting area outside the big corner office. This would be easy. He was a past master at the kind of bullsh*tting he needed to land this job. He’d rehearsed his glib responses to the questions his buddy Jim said the boss asked everyone. When the guy asked about that big project that went so badly last quarter, he’d throw old Jimmy under the bus. He got all the details in bits and pieces the times they got together for beers. He knew just how to spin it so he’d look like the man with all the answers, the man they’d need to come in and clean up Jim’s mess.At the start the guy seemed tense, even a little p*ssed off about something, but he loosened up enough under a constant, charming flow of horsesh*t. Toward the end they were lying about their golf games and which bars were best for getting laid afterward. The guy offered him the job on the spot; even offered to walk him to his car.“It’s been a real pleasure, sir, a real pleasure. I’m sure I’ll enjoy working for you.”“For me, too, a real . . . hmpf . . . This your car? The Audi?”“Yep, just got her last week, goes like a beaut . . .”“You son-of-a-b*tch!”“Wha…?”“You cut right in front of me and flipped me off! I oughta deck you! I’ll be d**ned before you get that job, and I’ll tell all my friends who are hiring the same thing! Get the h*ll outta my parking lot, you *ssh*le!”