jokes

[edog743]

LOL  Faygo

[Minn. Fatz]

Three old poker players who wound up in the same nursing home were sitting around whining one day.

"I'm 70 years old and I can barely urinate any more."

"Ah, stop complaining, I'm 90 and I go every morning around 8 o'clock just like a racehorse on a flat rock."

"Really? I'm 80 and I can't hardly take a dump any more."

"Ah, quit it, I empty myself out every morning about 8:30."

"Sounds like you've got nothing to complain about then."

"The heck I don't! I never get out of bed until nine!"

[Minn. Fatz]

Thinking about world affairs reminds me of the one about the four professionals who were discussing which was the oldest profession, the law, medicine, engineering or diplomacy.

The lawyer said, "God punished Adam and Eve for eating the apple, so the law is the oldest profession."

The surgeon said, "Before that He took a rib from Adam to make Eve, medicine is older."

The engineer said, "Before that He brought order out of chaos, engineering is the oldest."

The diplomat smiled knowingly and said, "Ah, but gentlemen, who do you think created the chaos?"

[Tedlark]

A: The POLITICIANS...

[edog743]

A snail buys a car brings it home shows it to his wife she says it is a nice car but why did you paint an S on the door the husband replied  when people see me they will say look at that litlle ESCARGOT.

[Tedlark]

Oh man edog, quoting jokes from the movie "Trading Places" is so '80's.

[edog743]

Actually Ted my 12 yr old grandson told me that last week. I have never watched the movie you speak of.

[Minn. Fatz]

Here's another eight-year-old one: Know how you trap an elephant? Well, first you dig a deep hole. Then you fill the hole up with ashes. Then you take a can of peas, open it up, and put the peas all around the edge of the hole. Then when the elephant comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.

That reminds me...

This county judge walks into his courtroom to find an old couple at the defendants' table. Turns out the old woman stole a can of peaches from the local store.

"And how many peaches were there in the can you stole?"

"Six, Your Honor."

"Then I'm going to sentence you to six days in jail. Have you anything else to tell the Court?"

The old woman shakes her head but her husband speaks up: "Uh, Your Honor, she stole a can of peas too."