Video Poker Satire via Saturday nite live

[oej719]

Words of Wisdom for the flock
S.A.L.T.

S =Smile. It is a known fact that the machine will produce more winnings if you are smiling while playing. This has to do with the secondary programming of the microprocessor responding to the energy you are projecting to the magnectic fields that are bouncing off the metal cabinet and lining up all the electrons in triangle shape. And triangles are a good thing.

A= Afternnon. This is the best time to play because of less distractions and crowds. You can play 3-4 machines at once and really get in a zone. All the top players play at this time.

L= Liquored up. Never play liquored up. It just increases desire but cuts preformance. The machines just mock someone playing while liqoured up. It all goes back to the energy you project.(see above).

T= Tuesday and Thursdays. It is a little known or believed secret but there are fewer winners on these days.These are the days the casinos make there profit off the addicts and locals. The rest of the days they use for the big jackpots. So in short they keep all the money on Tue and Thur for profit and none the rest of the time. Caution though because leap years if Feb 29th is a Tue or Thur, then it changes to Mon and Wed.


Happy Royals to all.

A parting thought; Ever wonder why you never see VP machines in Brail. This will be the next BIG thing.

[pokeherguy]

Its odd that you brought this up because I have just recently discovered the secret of winning millions playing video poker. It has nothing at all to with strategy or secret plays. I now have the ability to tune into the magnetic field produced by the electrons and manipulate the RNG to do as I will. I've been very carefull to guard this secret and been selective as to when I use this powerfull tool so I will not draw too much attention to myself. I always avoid the busy times at the casino because using this method requires one to play VP with thier eyes closed and in a meditated state which may seem a little odd to those who may be watching. I have also found I can put other unsuspecting VP players under my spell so to speak, and produce the same results. This however is of no benefit for myself other than having the knowledge that I can do so if I choose (I use it kind of like the way Elvis gave away cadillacs, at random). The one glitch I have discovered does pertain to something you mentioned and that is that this does not work on Tuesdays or Thursdays, I was'nt sure why until now.   

[oej719]

Ahhh! The light is now shining for many I see. Do you think that Elvis and Graceland maybe the connection to all of this? Maybe this fall we could all get together in Vegas and have a workshop to explore and brainstorm all these para/phemnon workings. I think I will devote my remaining days to these discoveries. If you can first create the thought in your head and believe then you can make it manifest itself onto the VP screen. The Truth is there for those who can only believe without doubt.
I get it now.
We must still be concerned how this will be accepted by the outside world. Caution should be used when disclosing information of this nature as we have many enemies that lurk to discredit or discovery.
Practice safe VP, wear sun glasses and a hat.

[pokeherguy]

The possibility of marketing this method is an idea that I have been entertaining, as far as a partner goes it may be helpfull to my cause. I know there are those in the past who have been called crazy and taken to task by non-believers as far as the un-known goes. If I do decide to market this I have also found another valuable use that may be used as an added bonus. I have discovered it will work on women but at this time I still have a few bugs to work out. I have only experimented on my wife but have found that the subject (my wife) seem to realize that something may be going on and as a side effect she has complained of a headache but once under my power all I had do was wait for the subject (my wife) to fall into a deep sleep and continue the experiment which have brought mixed results that I will not go into as of yet (further testing required).
 
May the force be with you!!!

[faygo]

[QUOTE=pokeherguy]
The possibility of marketing this method is an idea that I have been entertaining, as far as a partner goes it may be helpfull to my cause. I know there are those in the past who have been called crazy and taken to task by non-believers as far as the un-known goes. If I do decide to market this I have also found another valuable use that may be used as an added bonus. I have discovered it will work on women but at this time I still have a few bugs to work out. I have only experimented on my wife but have found that the subject (my wife) seem to realize that something may be going on and as a side effect she has complained of a headache but once under my power all I had do was wait for the subject (my wife) to fall into a deep sleep and continue the experiment which have brought mixed results that I will not go into as of yet (further testing required).
 Guys everyone knows that everything on this planet was at one time living. Therefore, with the vastly superior human intellect, I find it possible to communicate with The VP machines as well as the slots. The only problem that arises is when I don't like their response.

[oej719]

Faygo maybe just need some fine tuning of the energy aura. Try more medatation and humming---like ammmmmm,
ommmmmm.

pokerguy,
You do not need to test any more. Sounds like you have accomplished your mission and just want to practice more than necessary. Try administering a dose of adult beverage 30 min before testing.

[faygo]

Faygo maybe just need some fine tuning of the energy aura. Try more medatation and humming---like ammmmmm,
ommmmmm.

pokerguy,
You do have a you need test no futher. Sounds like you have accomplished your mission and just want to practice more than necessary. Try administering a dose of adult beverage 30 min before testing.
 
OEJ
Kind of like "Be the ball" (Caddyshack) or Bill Cosby "Have to have your music." (Soap Box Derby Car Routine)
Man I'm getting into it now!

[oej719]

To see enlightenment happen before your eyes is a beautiful thing.
AAAMMMMMMMMMMM
OOOMMMMMMMMMM
AAAHHHHHHHHHH
Let the energy be a conduit to the rng. Align the hand as you mentaly focus you mind on the royal.
Nameste

[pokeherguy]

Does anyone know if there may be legal ramifications involved? I am after all in a way tampering with the outcome of the machines. Also if I enter into another persons mind and use them as a tool to manipulate the machine could there be any laws broken?
 
Until I get the answers to some of these questions I am not going to use "The Force" and will just continue playing VP using the "Drunk Monkey" style of play which I have always used in the past. Its not near as profitable but it is fun. I jump from machine to machine, drink all I want and could care less about discipline.
 
Show me the MONKEY!!!!!!

[oej719]

I am no lawyer but I did stay at a holday in express last night. I feel certain that if you use the force in a positive way and help only the low class fried chicken eating type of players, mother earth would bless you and keep you from harms way. You have been given a gift to be used. You must find the strenght to use it or you risk having it taken away and given to someone who will use it. From the time you were in your mothers womb this gift was waiting for this time to come forth. Do not waste it. May the force be with you young Jedi

You must excuse me now I feel vibrations coming on.
I must rest.